Our consciousness, will, have very limited bandwidth. There are billions neuro chaos activity inside our brain, billions of connections like the connection, it is impossible for our consciousness to monitor and control all this neuros, just try to troubleshoot a microchip million times simpler than our brain. So there is 99% behavior and feelings we cannot control. Our consciousness is like the president of a country he can give general direction but cannot control 99% of the things; Chaos system fractal theory.
Outside objects, other people, we cannot control much of their behavior also.
But since we were little until now, we have the illusion that we are all powerful, our consciousness can control, know and predict everything, this leads to mis estimation of the world around us and we make bad judgement and decisions. From playing poker and weiqi and war you know that you can only win if you estimate the situation correctly.
Remember limitation.
Many things you cannot control, you will make "mistakes", it is never your fault. Study the book Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman that says never blame yourself. Never self hate. Self hatred is due to illusion.
But sometimes self hate is good. Remember paradox polarity and Tai chi.
Lao Tze tao theory says follow the tao, this means that you have to follow reality not pretend it is otherwise than what it is, let go of your illusions of all power, know your limitations. Then following the tao you will not do the wrong thing and lead to defeat and suffering.
At day time you have to fight life forget the tao so you could make your dream come true, at night follow the tao and forgive your mistake and rest.
Tao is a war theory.
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