so it will not be stressed out. Maybe go. Maybe a vacation.
The hobby cannot be turned into work. It must be a toy or another world something to get me away from this world. Hence oracle and labview; too much link to the world; cannot bring me out of stress.
I need vacation to recharge my brain. I need novelty. Oracle and labview and network hack is no longer novelty. Painting, philosophy, poetry all became boring.
And for the moment. Number theory is the thing for me. Beauty is the thing for me.
Fearless Symmetry : Exposing the Hidden Patterns of Numbers
Looks like the book for me.
I need to put a ligher weight on competition with humans, it is just so repetitious, so ugly, so wasteful of life, so meaningless, so petty. Because i have lost novelty, i have sink down to this pettiness with everyday life, i lost beauty. Though i am practical but i lost life. And i have only one life this life with consciousness to know the beauty of the world. Only one life to use.
I need to find back my novelty. Novelty is life for me, without it I will die, I need to be close to books, to knowledge, to money to buy books.
I read a article about mensa, and genius look at average people is like average people looking at retarded people. This gave me an insight of my life is that a lot of people to me are just doing things so strange, so aggressive, i cannot understand why they are doing these things, and thought there is something wrong with me. Now i know that their IQ is low, and could not see higher things to appreciate, it is like cockroach at the dumps fighting for waste.
I need to hang out with smart people now.
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