The all knowing invincible field of nature

There seems to be a invincible and invincible field of nature that knows what is your knowledge and what are you doing. I dont know how it works.

I have two big stage in life 17-35 is the year I believe in mystical Buddhist/hindu type enlightenment. I have trying to search for this eternal bliss stage using all the methods i can find, i forget  about my studies of mathematics and engineering, resulting in lost grades and low income career. In the end of the search, i concluded solidly this is all bullshit logically, practically and philosophically. Please read Stripping the Gurus by Geoffrey D. Falk. We have the PDF.


18 years wasted. My abstract world knowledge of mathematics, physics and engineerign is a waste land. And people seems to know this. I cannot find good jobs.

3-6 years ago is the early Renaissance where i delve into c++, game programming, poker and poetry.

Just last year is the year I called true Renaissance, i delve into advance calculus, partial differential equations, quantum mechanics, fluid mechanics, digital signal processing, computational fluid mechanics, western philosophy, embedded linux, and Oracle. Now probably going into ROV science.

And now somehow my company seems to think i am very smart, which probably i am, i am the only one who can do more more abstract programming and write hell good official letters with bombastic but paradoxically beautiful and subtle english. BUt it could be the field of all knowing nature.

Even if you dont tell people, people around seem to able to pick up what is on your mind, and your knowlege level.